Just For the Hell of It: Radical NHL Realignment Edition

So, after ransacking my apartment looking for my phone, I decided to take the ball from ESPN's NHL page and run with it for a bit tonight. One of the questions asked was, as the NHL's Board of Governors meeting is coming up, how would you realign the NHL, if at all? Now, this is an empty idea for real change in the NHL, but a fun little pointless exercise. So here goes:

First, taking a page from Bill Simmons, I'd split the league up equally between the United States and Canada (which means moving quite a few Sunbelt teams up North). Second, to assure both fairness and national competition, the American teams would all be in one Conference, and the Canadian teams in another. This way, each year, one team from each nation would be assured a spot in the Stanley Cup Finals. I've tried to have an eye for hockey history as well, and remember, this is purely for fun...

AMERICAN CONFERENCE

East Division: I've had to do a bit of shuffling, and the geography was less than helpful, but this is basically a truncated Northeast Division fused with the remaining Atlantic teams.

Boston Bruins (DUH)
New York Rangers (original 6, Largest City in the East, not going anywhere)
New York Islanders (to give Mets fans something to do in the winter)
Philadelphia Flyers (to give Philly something to bitch about if the Eagles and Sixers get good)
Hartford Whalers (formerly the Carolina Hurricanes. Who says you can't go home again?)

Central Division: So, geography really doesn't work with some teams. I had to put the Caps somewhere, and the East was crowded. So sue me.

Detroit Red Wings (best thing the city has going at the moment...)
Chicago Blackhawks (slowly coming back after their owner killed the team for decades...)
Buffalo Sabres (they get to stay only if they ditch the Buffaslug and go back to the old unis)
Pittsburgh Penguins (this might be one of the better divisions here)
Washington Capitals (where else was I going to put them? This could work, right?)

West Division: Surprising how many teams I had to move out of there to Canada. Apologies if your team's not here, but none of them were the main draw in their respective city, anyway.

Minnesota North Stars (with Dallas headed to Canada, I figured they'd want the old name back)
St. Louis Blues (solid American franchise, no change needed)
Colorado Avalanche (making Denver care about hockey since 1995)
LA Kings (they're old enough to remain out there, but they don't deserve *two* teams)
Seattle Sounders (to make up for the Sonics skipping town)

CANADIAN CONFERENCE

East Division: Canada's geography also made it difficult to make divisions fair, as some teams would have a considerably harder travel schedule than others.

Montreal Canadiens (it pained me to take them out of the Bruins' division, but alas, I had to)
Montreal Maroons (an old NHL team for Montreal's Anglophones, if they still have any)
Ottawa Senators (it's the national capital, and has had a good history for a younger franchise)
Halifax Highlanders (it'd be a bitch to get to Nova Scotia, but the Maritimes deserve it)
Quebec Nordiques (they'd be like the Cleveland Browns, with ownership of all old records)

Central Division: Here's where my knowledge of Canadian provinces needs some help. Apologies if I've messed up a bit.

Hamilton Bulldogs (would need to steal the name from the AHL team. Or buy it off them)
London Lions (the former Florida Panthers. Would anyone even notice they were gone?)
Toronto Maple Leafs (Canada's biggest city and a storied team)
Toronto St. Pats (stealing the name from the old Leafs. Toronto's toyed with a 2nd team, too)
Winnipeg Jets (just go ahead and move the Coyotes back there. You know you want to)

West Division: Not a lot of change, but some new rivalries, one would hope.

Edmonton Oilers (need the Battle of Alberta to remain)
Calgary Flames (see above)
Vancouver Canucks (only if they also go back to the old unis and ditch the Orca)
Victoria Cougars (hopefully would spur the 'Nucks with some healthy competition)
Saskatoon Sentinels (honestly? I just like saying 'Saskatoon'. Try it. 'Saskatoon')

Apologies to:
Atlanta
Carolina
Tampa
Miami
Nashville
Phoenix
Dallas
Columbus
San Jose
Anaheim
Newark

All you cities had to give up your hockey teams. I felt especially bad about Dallas, San Jose and Newark, but honestly all the other probably wouldn't even notice.