And, no, I don't mean that I'm an autocratic Russian monarch from New Jersey. For lack of any Bruins news going on tonight (though I should comment on their huge win vs. the Devils at some point), I thought I'd lay down my latest amended rules for sports jerseys. For those of you who don't know me, I have a large jersey collection spanning many sports, and I've had to create some rules to regulate their wearing.
1. The following jerseys are OK for anyone to own under any circumstances, in general terms: a) Closest Professional Sports Team to Childhood Home in the 4 major sports (Baseball, Hockey, Football, and Basketball). Era does not particularly matter. b) Jersey of the sport that your alma mater is best known for (in my case, Middlebury hockey. For some *other* people, Syracuse basketball would be OK, etc.) c) Minor league team from Childhood Home (bonus points for defunct teams, a la the Worcester IceCats).
2. The following jerseys are never OK for anyone to own, unless they adhere to Rule 1: 1990s Dallas Cowboys, New York Yankees of any era, Detroit Red Wings 1990-present, LA Lakers of any era, Montreal Canadiens 1970-1995, New England Patriots 2001-present, Pittsburgh Steelers of any era, Boston Red Sox 2004-present.
3. National Jerseys are allowed under all circumstances for either a) those who are of that nationality, or b) those who can trace their ancestors back to said country in four steps. I don't want to see people wearing an Italy World Cup jersey unless they have proof that they still have family in Siena. Living in the North End doesn't count.
4. Wearing of rival or arch enemy jerseys is permissable if done so in a manner that is clearly ironic. For example, wearing a Marino Rivera jersey with a Red Sox hat to the 2005 Opening Day Ring Ceremony.
5. Defunct Sports Teams are ALWAYS cool, especially if they are from your geographic area. This means you, Winnipeg, Brooklyn, Quebec, and Montreal. Extra bonus points for wearing the defunct team's hat or jersey to either the former crosstown rival's stadium (Athletics jerseys to a Phillies game) or to the current incarnation's stadium (Boston Braves jersey to an Atlanta Braves game).
6. If you have spent money to have a jersey customized, bear in mind the following things: a) player's current popularity. b) player's current contract situation. c) player's attachment to that particular number. d) likelyhood the team will change their uniforms within the next 3 years.
7. Related to #6, if I were the Jersey Czar, not only would you be able to trade in your outdated player jersey for a current roster player if he were traded or left via free agency, you would be able to trade in your outdated jersey design for the same player in the current design if the team decided to grab at cash for no reason and change their uniforms (I'm looking at YOU, Boston Red Sox. I want a new Lowell jersey!)
8. As a rule, Home > Away jerseys, with a few exceptions. Those include the Washington Nationals, Baltimore Orioles, Miami Dolphins, Atlanta Thrashers, and Boston Celtics.
9. Past the age of 21, the following circumstances are allowed for wearing a sports jersey: a) attending one of that team's games. b) attending one of that team's rival's games. c) going to a local sports bar to cheer on that team. d) wearing the jersey around the team's home city during the playoffs. e) attending a victory parade. f) playing in a pickup league and wishing to show loyalty to said team. g) attending a game in a defunct team's sport and wishing to demonstrate your defunct sports team knowledge.
I reserve the right to amend this list as more posts become needed. I'm sure it will grow in time, just as my collection has.
-M
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