Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Jeremy Jacobs and Deathwishes

As you may or may not have read today, the owner of the Washington Capitals (as well as owner of the Washington Wizards) Abe Pollin passed away today at the age of 85. This, much like the death of Chicago Blackhawks owner Bill Wirtz, got me thinking about the state of ownership with my favorite hockey team, and I began daydreaming about a day when Jeremy Jacobs no longer owns the Bruins.

This is not to say, exactly, that I want Jacobs to die. He's only 66, and I would never wish death upon someone for reasons so petty as sports ownership, but Jacobs has been entrenched (and I do believe that's the best word for it) as Bruins owner since 1975. During that span, the Bruins have won precisely Jack Shit, and a lot of people like to blame Jacobs for the Stanley Cup drought which is approximately 1.541 times the amount of time I have been alive. I do not blame Jacobs for the team's losses in 2008 to the Canadiens or 2009 to the Hurricanes. Everything before there was a salary cap in place seems to be fair game, though.

But I thought it would be neat to wonder not only what it would be like to have an active and energetic owner of the Bruins, but to wonder what it would be like if I were said owner. So, if you'll permit me, here's what I would do if I had the billions of dollars that Jeremy Jacobs has, and if I purchased the Boston Bruins:

1. Operate at a loss. This will become more apparent once I detail how I would run the team, but in general, if I had near-limitless money (as I said, in the billions), I would not make a huge effort to turn a profit with the Bruins. Jacobs is not like this; the Bruins are a business first and foremost with him, and you can't fault him for doing that. You can fault him for at least not saying that's what he's doing, as it would at least give him a little credit. Look, you don't buy sports franchises to make money. You buy them because you want to fulfill the childhood dream of owning a team, and you buy them to win championships. That would be Goal Number One.

2. Slash ticket prices. Balcony seats for the Bruins would not excede $20. The last half of the highest rows would not excede $10. This would demonstrate to the average fan that it was more important to me to have a full house than to earn a crapload of dough with each sellout. A full Garden is a hard place for an opposing team to play, and that would be a valuable asset come playoff time. Concessions would also be reduced to just below the league average, if not targeted to be the league minimum. Beer would still be semi-expensive, to cut down on brawling, but $8 for a warm Sam Adams is fucking ridiculous.

3. Get involved in the city sports scene. Red Sox players go to Celtics games. Celtics go to Patriots games. Patriots go to Red Sox games. See someone missing? The new ownership groups in the other Boston Sports have done a marvelous job of feeding off each other, and of playing up each other and the connection they all have to the local fan base. Hells yes I would get season tickets to the Red Sox. Might not be able to go to ever game, but an overlapping presence and the idea that we all understand how important the other teams are to our fans would go a long way toward getting people to talk about the Bruins again.

4. Charity Events. In addition to opening up the Garden for skating every now and then, I'd make sure that we would give a sizable amount of tickets away to Servicemen and Servicewomen around Veterans Day, as well as to insititutions like the Jimmy Fund, Children's Hospital, and the like. I'm not trying to make money of the seats anyway, and you can't buy that kind of publicity.

5. Buying back the naming rights for the Garden. I know that it's nice that TD Bank allowed us to have part of the old name back, but I would either try and buy the rights back from them, or wait for their contract with us to expire. The building is either going to be called "The Boston Garden", or 'The New Boston Garden", in deference to the old place. No exceptions.

6. Building a monument park-type place on the site of the Old Garden. At the moment, it's an underdeveloped parking lot, wasting a lot of space. I would not only put in a ring of heroes and statues for the great Bruins and Celtics of yore, I'd put outlines in bronze and brick on the ground marking where certain things happened. Wouldn't it be neat to look down and realize you're standing in the exact spot where Orr scored his 1970 Cup-winner, or where Havlicek stole the ball? Tell me that wouldn't be cool.

7. Let PC and Neely run the team. I'm the owner. I'm not George Steinbrenner. There's a difference between being involved and being a douchebag.

So, yeah. This is the kind of thing I entertain on the walk home from work each day. Any help or tips on how to make those billions of dollars would be greatly appreciated...

-M

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